How to rein in the worldly Ego 

Among all the egos the spiritual ego is the most dangerous and difficult to shed off. To top it all, spiritual scaling is well neigh impossible without subduing the ego. This is the contradiction that I too face when I’m doing my daily sadhana. 

The reasons are not far to seek. In your various stages of spiritual practice, the ego throws up desires and fanciful imaginations of you becoming a great spiritual leader addressing large gatherings, having big followings, people falling at your feet, and what have you. Primarily also because this is the worldly image of a spiritual master. 

Secondly, if you happen to be also entangled with the world and doing your sadhana too, then your ego is all the more active. Not that ashrams totally banish all ego. There too it persists and ashrams too have their own set of problems but maybe less pronounced. 

However, the beauty of unfailing daily sadhana is that the answers come to you.

I am sharing one such experience of facing the problem in my sadhana and the answer also being revealed during the practice. 

During japa, Kriyas, my own vanity and ego do throw up thoughts of the kind I mentioned earlier. Every day it is different kind of fanciful imagination which distracts your mind. You are in a bind. The ego is the stumbling block in you rising to the very heights the ego is desiring. Forget about long term effects of the ego on your spiritual goal. The effect is instantaneous.

Here is how I keep experiencing it. My daily morning sadhana is a progression from simple limbering up, to asanas, suryanamaskar, shavasna followed by pranayama. By this stage I’m partially withdrawn from the world and both the body and mind are ready for an hour of sitting still in padmasana for the Kundalini Kriyas, and three mantras which I chant 108 times. 

Sitting still in padmasana you do the more difficult practice of keeping your mind on your mudras, breathing, mantras and external and internal trataka and many such combinations of mudras, bandha, mantra, jaap and focus on some symbol. These leave very little space for thoughts to push their way in. Just still posture impacts the mind and makes it quiescent. The rest add to see that it remains so.  

Even then thoughts and often ego linked thoughts find a breach in your well fortified dam of practice and flood you and hijack your practice. At that instant your breathing becomes faster, gross and body experiences tightness in some strategic places which are prone to take the brunt of the thought process which varies with each individual. 

One such day, when the train of thought and imagination was of me telling someone some egoistic claims of my practice, I was once again filled with shame and frustration at my inability to control my ego and thoughts. Just then it occurred to me, hey why don’t you direct this kind of boasting and egoistic crap towards your guiding light, Swami Satyananda ( who is my Guru) or even God.

I started to laugh uncontrollably at the thought. How ridiculous I myself appeared to myself in that vision. Yes, suddenly that same self indulgent thought seemed utterly stupid. 

This realization has somewhat reined in unbridled tendency of egoistic and fanciful imaginations. 

The motto has  to be to go on and on with sincerity, faith and determination. If you are not fortunate enough to have a Guru to guide you at every step, it matters not. There is a guiding light within which will surely light your path just as darkness of night is dispelled by the light of the day.  

Jai Gurudev!!